Sri Ramakrishna married in order to demonstrate how to transcend ordinary marriage. He had no physical relationship with his wife, as he saw the Divine Mother in all women. Four of his monastic disciples were married, and Swami Shivananda was among them. Tarak (Shivananda’s premonastic name) had to marry against his wishes. His father did not have enough money to pay the dowry for his youngest daughter Niroda’s marriage, so he arranged for an exchange marriage. This meant that Tarak would have to marry his brother-in-law’s sister, so that neither party would have to pay any dowry. Tarak’s wife, Nityakali, was a highly evolved soul; unfortunately she died within a few years of the marriage. As it is said: Birth, marriage, and death are not in the hands of human beings.
Though he was married Shivananda maintained unbroken chastity, and became known as Mahapurush (great soul) in the Ramakrishna Order. It is said that the Master touched a part of Tarak’s body and said, “Dive deep in the ocean of Satchidananda,” and this extinguished his lust forever. Shivananda later related:
In those days when we used to visit the Master I frequently had to go home, because I was married. It was distasteful to me. Somehow or other I would spend the night at home repeating the name of the Lord… . I spoke about it to the Master and prayed that my worldly bondage be destroyed. After hearing my story, the Master asked me to perform a certain ritual and said in a tone of assurance: “Have no fear. I am here to protect you. Think of me and perform this ritual. Nothing adverse will happen to you. I am telling you that even if you sleep in the same room with your wife, you will be free from danger. You will see it will rather intensify your spirit of renunciation.”
The Master prescribed the same ritual for Swami Brahmananda. I went through the ritual as instructed and didn’t have any trouble. In the course of conversation I once mentioned this incident to Swamiji [Vivekananda]. He was very much surprised and remarked: “What do you say! It is the characteristic of a Mahapurush. You are certainly one.” Since then he started calling me by this name, and others did the same. (Source: God Lived with Them)