It is not easy to become a disciple of an Incarnation of God such as Sri Ramakrishna. The way such great teachers discipline their followers is often difficult to understand. Sometimes it is through love, sometimes through indifference, and sometimes through harshness. The lives of these teachers are established in truth, and they preach the truth, which is God Himself. Therefore they always insist that their disciples be steadfast in truth. Once Surendra told the Master about a pilgrimage he had just taken:
Surendra: “We were there [at Vrindaban] during the holidays. Visitors were continually pestered for money. The priests and others asked for it continually. We told them that we were going to leave for Calcutta the next day, but we fled from Vrindaban that very night.”
Master: “What is that? Shame! You said you would leave the place the next day and ran away that very day. What a shame!”
Surendra (embarrassed): “Here and there we saw the babajis [Vaishnava holy men] in the woods practising spiritual discipline in solitude.”
Master: “Did you give them anything?”
Surendra: “No, sir.”
Master: “That was not proper of you. One should give something to monks and devotees. Those who have the means should help such persons when they meet them.”
Surendra was rich, aristocratic, and extremely sensitive. M. described how one day in 1881 the Master crushed Surendra’s ego at his own home:
Surendra approached the Master with a garland and wanted to put it around his neck. But the Master took it in his hand and threw it aside. Surendra’s pride was wounded and his eyes filled with tears. He went to the west porch and sat with Ram, Manomohan, and the others. In a voice choked with sadness he said: “I am really angry. How can a poor brahmin know the value of a thing like that? I spent a lot of money for that garland, and he refused to accept it. I was unable to control my anger and said that the other garlands were to be given away to the devotees. Now I realize it was all my fault. God cannot be bought with money; he cannot be possessed by a vain person. I have really been vain. Why should he accept my worship? I don’t feel like living anymore.” Tears streamed down his cheeks and over his chest.
In the meantime Trailokya was singing inside the room. The Master began to dance in an ecstasy of joy. He put around his neck the garland that he had thrown aside; holding it with one hand, he swung it with the other as he danced and sang. Now Surendra’s joy was unbounded. The Master had accepted his offering. Surendra said to himself, “God crushes one’s pride, no doubt, but he is also the cherished treasure of the humble and lowly.”
When the kirtan was over, everyone sat around the Master and became engaged in pleasant conversation. Sri Ramakrishna said to Surendra, “Won’t you give me something to eat?” Then he went into the inner apartments, where the ladies saluted him. After the meal Sri Ramakrishna left for Dakshineswar.
On 15 April 1883, Surendra invited the Master and the devotees to attend a festival to the Divine Mother Annapurna in his home. The courtyard was covered with a beautiful carpet, over which was spread a white linen sheet. Bolsters were placed here and there. The Master was asked to lean against one of them, but he pushed it away, since they were mostly used by rich, aristocratic people for comfort. Sri Ramakrishna practised what he taught. He said to the devotees: “To lean against a bolster! You see, it is very difficult to give up vanity. You may discriminate, saying that the ego is nothing at all; but still it comes, nobody knows from where. Perhaps you are frightened in a dream; you shake off sleep and are wide awake, but still you feel your heart palpitating. Egotism is exactly like that. You may drive it away, but still it appears from somewhere. Then you look sullen and say: ‘What! I have not been shown proper respect!’”
One day in January 1882, Kedar, one of Sri Ramakrishna’s devotees, pointed to Surendra, Ram, and Manomohan and said to the Master: “Sir, when you have graciously given shelter to these souls, why do you put them into more trials and tribulations? Please be merciful to them so that they may be saved forever.” “What can I do?” replied the Master. “What power do I have? If the Mother wills, She can do so.” With total indifference he walked away and sat down in the Panchavati. It was evening. Surendra could not bear such indifference from his beloved Master. He went to Sri Ramakrishna and began to cry. He confessed all of his moral lapses and sought the Master’s help. Sri Ramakrishna saw that these tears of repentance had washed away the impurities from Surendra’s mind. He blessed him, saying, “May the blissful Mother make your life blissful.” (Source: They Lived with God)